Let’s talk about self-harm
By Betty Hill
In March’s edition of our Wellbeing Newsletter Betty Hill turned our focus to Self-Harm in response to Self-Harm Awareness Day on the 1st of March. Read on to learn about the topic that is Self-Harm, what it is, why do people partake in it and how should someone respond to news of someone self-harming.
In response to Self-Harm Awareness Day on the 1st March, in the following article we will explore what self-harm is, common misconceptions, why people self-harm and how we can respond to someone who is self-harming. Raising awareness about self-injury and self-harm is incredibly important. Awareness leads to understanding and empathy, it can dispel judgement and fear and reduce the number of people who feel alone and suffer in silence.
Trigger warning; it can be upsetting and potentially triggering to read information about how people can self-harm. If you are feeling vulnerable, you may choose not to read the following article.
What is self-harm and self-injury?
Self-harm is when somebody intentionally damages or injures their body. Many people associate self-harm with making cuts on arms or legs, however self-harm can include;
- over-eating or under-eating
- exercising excessively
- biting, picking or scratching at skin
- burning skin
- inserting objects into body
- hitting self or walls
- pulling hair
- misusing alcohol and recreational drugs
- taking too little or too much of prescribed medication
- poisoning
- having unsafe sex
- getting into fights intentionally to get hurt
Common myths and misconceptions
There are commonly held beliefs about self-harm which can be unhelpful and make people who self-harm feel judged and alone, such as;
“Only teenage girls self-harm”
Self-harm affects people of all ages, gender, regardless of where someone is from, what their social or cultural background might be.
“Self-harm is just attention seeking”
People may self-harm as a way of bringing attention to their distress. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be noticed and to have distress acknowledged and taken seriously. People who do seek help following self-harm are often in crisis and should be treated with compassion and respect. In reality, many people keep their self-harm private.
“Talking about suicide and self-harm increases the risk of it happening”
Talking about self-harm and suicide will not plant an idea that was not there before. Many people who are contemplating suicide or who self-harm are relieved to be able to talk about it to an understanding listener.
“Self-harming should be stopped immediately!”
If someone has used self-harm to help manage distress, we need to look at ways of reducing self-harm and introducing less dangerous ways of managing distress. This can take some time. The most important thing is not to tell people to stop, but to listen, find out what they need to stop and help them find ways of achieving that. This way, people heal in their own time.
Why do people self-harm?
People self-harm for a number of different reasons. It may be linked to bad experiences in the past, the present or sometimes the reasons are unknown. The reasons can change over time and will not be the same for everybody.
People may self-harm to;
- express something that is hard to put into words
- deal with very difficult feelings or painful memories
- to manage overwhelming situations
- to manage extreme emotional upset
- to reduce tension
- a form of escape
- change emotional pain into physical pain
- to express emotions such as hurt, anger or frustration
- punish themselves for their feelings and experiences
- an effort to regain control over feelings or problems
- an attempt to punish themselves or others
- to elicit care from others
- stop feeling numb, disconnected or dissociated
- create a reason to physically care for themselves
- to identify with a peer group response to intrusive thoughts
- express suicidal feelings and thoughts without taking their own life
Why do people self-harm?
People self-harm for a number of different reasons. It may be linked to bad experiences in the past, the present or sometimes the reasons are unknown. The reasons can change over time and will not be the same for everybody.
People may self-harm to;
- express something that is hard to put into words
- deal with very difficult feelings or painful memories
- to manage overwhelming situations
- to manage extreme emotional upset
- to reduce tension
- a form of escape
- change emotional pain into physical pain
- to express emotions such as hurt, anger or frustration
- punish themselves for their feelings and experiences
- an effort to regain control over feelings or problems
- an attempt to punish themselves or others
- to elicit care from others
- stop feeling numb, disconnected or dissociated
- create a reason to physically care for themselves
- to identify with a peer group response to intrusive thoughts
- express suicidal feelings and thoughts without taking their own life
Mind Guide – How to support someone who self-harms
Whether someone tells you directly, or you think someone is hurting themselves, it can be difficult to know what to say or do. Here are some things you can do to try and make a difference to them…
- Try not to panic or overreact. The way you respond will have an impact on how much they open up to you and other people about their self-harm in the future.
- Try not to be judgemental. Let them know you’re there for them.
- Relate to them as a whole person, not just their self-harm. Try to have empathy and understanding about what they’re doing.
- Let them be in control of their decisions. Offer to help them find support.
- Remind them of their positive qualities and things they do well. Try to have honest communication, where you take responsibility for any fears you have.
- Supporting someone who is self-harming can be a long process with many ups and downs. Remember to take care of yourself – this will mean you can stay involved for longer and keep well.
Where to find support if you self-harm
If you self-harm, there are a number of ways to help yourself and find support. During intense urges to hurt yourself, it can be hard to imagine that it’s possible to do anything else. But there are steps you can take to help you make other choices over time.
Alternative strategies to try
- Releasing emotions: Clenching an ice cube in the hand until it melts
- Snapping an elastic band against the wrist
- Drawing on the skin with a red pen or red paint instead of cutting
- Sports or physical exercise
- Using a punchbag
- Hitting a pillow or other soft object
- Listening to or creating loud music
Getting Treatment and Support Go and see your GP: they can assess you and let you know about available treatment prescribe medication for anxiety or depression. GP’s can refer to your community mental health team (CMHT) which can include psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, an occupational therapist and community psychiatric nurse.
Talking treatments: Talking treatments involve talking with a professional therapist trained to listen with empathy and acceptance.
Support Groups: Support groups are regular meetings with others who have similar experiences to you. Support groups can be peer-led or facilitated. They may focus on specific issues or be more general.
If you would like to find out more, check out the sources and further reading section below.
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