A lifelong story of mental health

The mental health experience of Sandra Ramsay

Let me introduce myself – I am Sandra Ramsay, a 54-year-old married woman, working as a full-time accountant, with a lifetime dealing with my mental health struggles-which some days I deal with better than others.

I would like to start at the beginning of my mental health story but, for me to understand the beginning, it took until I was 40 years old and various methods of counselling & tablets. 

I have always been a moody, bad-tempered person with no real reason to be anything other than happy. The first time I admitted to myself and my mam that I was struggling, was in 1986 when I was 18. I went to see my GP who, after a short course of anti-depressants referred me to a psychotherapist. This did not work well for me as although I’m really chatty, at that time I would not/could not talk about myself.

Fast forward to November 2009, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My attitude was ‘I will beat this’, and I did. I underwent a lumpectomy In January 2010, and I received the all-clear soon after. In March 2010 I underwent a gruelling 3-week course of radiotherapy, this resulted in terrible fatigue.

Despite overcoming the physical side of my cancer, my mental health was greatly affected by the whole ordeal. My depression reached new depths and I found it impossible to cope. My amazing GP helped where possible, but things worsened, and I had to be signed off on long-term sick leave. This was due to ongoing infections of the wounds, but predominantly due to the effect on my mental health. My employers of 6 years dismissed me from my role as I could not provide a ‘back to work’ date & the subsequent tribunal process.

From there my GP referred me to a self-help coach, she was fabulous, but it still took 5 weeks before I broke down & let out my feelings. This was achieved after a walk with friends when I fell over & totally lost it in a field. My oldest friend’s words still resonate with me now; ‘I’ve had this since we were kids; I’m not going through it again as adults!’. It was the wakeup call I needed. 

From that day on my coach worked with me, using cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) until my course ran out after 10 weeks. We traced my behaviours back to age 3, and whilst I am still prone to follow the same behaviours today, I usually realise in advance & apply CBT practices.

Whilst at Tyneside and Northumberland Mind, I was involved in several courses, these included a stress-management programme and a back to work class. I also took huge pleasure from the gardening group, who worked to transform and maintain the Tyneside and Northumberland Mind grounds. Sharing my experience with Tyneside Mind in 2012, I wrote the following: ‘I am now well on the road to recovery and feel the best I have ever felt: Mind has given me my life back – I just cannot say thank you enough.’

In 2011 I started a new full-time job, in an admin role. I still had some days that were really tough, but I used everything I learnt at Mind to cope. I felt strong enough to take on anything. I also became a Director/Trustee of Tyneside and Northumberland Mind to give a little bit back for all the help and support they had given me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t continue with this as I changed my job back to a finance role and couldn’t give enough time. 

During 2012 my now husband and I started a relationship as I felt strong enough to let someone into my world. We had a lot of initial issues as I probably wasn’t as strong or as ready as I thought, but we learned a lot together, about each other, and ourselves. I always laughed when people would say there’s someone for everyone, but I’m a total convert now.

We married in 2018 and now live a very happy life, working hard, enjoying our down time more with regular trips away, visiting the theatre, gigs & zoos, to name just a few! I am now on low dose anti-depressants to cope with a very long period of peri menopause & subsequent menopause. However, nowadays I rarely have spikes and can function at a high level consistently.

“My poor mental health hasn’t gone away- I just understand it better and deal with it accordingly.”

Throughout all my struggles and issues there has been one constant in my life, my amazing family, and friends. My parents, sister and brother-in-law have been through all the really hard times with me and can now celebrate the happier times. I genuinely do not think I would still be here if it wasn’t for their love and support. I cannot imagine how they have coped with my many depressive episodes over the years, but somehow, they got each other, and me, through it all. I do try to only bring them joy currently, but my poor mental health hasn’t gone away- I just understand it better and deal with it accordingly.

If I could give my 3-year-old self some advice it would be to talk, to talk-and to talk.

My advice to anyone struggling with low mood, depression, anxiety, and any other mental health issue I am not qualified to comment on, is ask for help. There are many charities that provide a listening service. Put their details into your phone or keep a copy nearby so they are always accessible if you feel overwhelmed at any point or desperate. 

“Keep fighting, there is always another day, and it might well be a better day.”

We are changing the stigma of mental health and there is a lot more help available, not enough, but it is a work in progress.